Almost there

Almost there is how I feel most of the time.

Having been sick most of my life, due to a low immune system sure didn't make things easy for me. I wanted to be the one to do it all, and I accomplished a lot in between my times of being sick. I did a good job of keeping up and almost getting it all done, then enter the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia in my 40's and it all started to make sense to me. The pain, the tiredness, not feeling well when everything else seemed fine, it brought all of my illnesses together and for the first time they all linked together. It just all took a toll on me. When I was feeling well I pushed my body till it couldn't fight off the smallest virus. I still tend to push myself when I am feeling good, which my Dr. says I have to stop doing, and has been telling me for years, I just was not listening to him. I keep telling him I am almost there.

Now to what am I almost there for is the question. I am almost there to raising all 6 of my children. I am almost there to writing my book, getting the house decorated, cleaned, to having life well perfect. I am a perfectionist at heart and want everything perfect although I know deep down nothing can be perfect, but I suppose wanting things to be perfect came from being sick so often. It was something I could control or so I thought. I would always want things but wouldn't use them because I wanted things to be perfect before I used them, as time went by and children came into my life those things continued to just sit there.

It wasn't until the last few months that I have started using the very things that I have always wanted to, so that I could enjoy them. I find that the more you try and make things perfect the more they seem to go backwards, but it doesn't stop me one bit from trying to better the world around me.